Beyond The Wait...
A Newsletter for Those Navigating the Complex Emotions of Infertility
Issue #26 26th January 2026
Dear Reader,
Hi from the other side of the New Year celebrations. I hope you made it through okay.
I've been thinking a lot about how this time of year used to feel during my fertility journey. I remember watching everyone posting about their fresh starts and big goals, and thinking, "I've been here before. Another year beginning. Another year of hoping this will be THE year."
There's something particularly brutal about the New Year when you're deep in a fertility journey. The cultural pressure to feel hopeful and optimistic about a "fresh start" can feel impossible when you've already had multiple “fresh starts” that led nowhere.
If this New Year has felt heavy for you, I want you to know that's completely understandable. Let's talk about why.
Deep Dive: When New Beginnings Feel Impossible
New Year is culturally designed to be about hope, possibility, and fresh starts. "New year, new me." Clean slates. Setting intentions. Looking forward with optimism.
But when you're months or years into a fertility journey, New Year can feel less like a fresh start and more like a painful reminder of time passing without the thing you want most.
The Weight of Another Year
For many on the fertility journey, the New Year isn't just about looking forward. It's also about looking back at another 365 days that didn't bring us the baby we desperately hoped for.
It's counting how many months or years you've now spent hoping and trying. How many times you've thought "surely this year I'll get pregnant" or "by next New Year I'll have my baby."
Each New Year can feel like a marker of time having gone by. It's a reminder that you're still here, still waiting, still hoping, still hurting.
The Pressure to Be Optimistic
Then there's the cultural expectation that we should greet the New Year with enthusiasm and positivity. Everyone around us is setting goals, making vision boards, declaring their intentions for growth and change.
But when you're exhausted from fertility treatment, grieving losses, or simply worn down by the relentless uncertainty of this journey, mustering enthusiasm for another year can feel impossible.
You might feel pressure to set fertility-related goals: "This will be the year we succeed with IVF." "This year I'll stay positive." "This year I'll finally accept whatever happens."
But these goals are different from others' career aspirations or fitness targets. Your goals are entirely outside your control, and you've learned the hard way that wanting something desperately doesn't make it happen.
The Loneliness of Being Left Behind
New Year can amplify the isolation. Friends are making family plans. Social media is full of "year in review" posts featuring babies born, children growing, families expanding. And you're still in the same place you were last New Year. And possibly the one before that.
When Hope Feels Dangerous
Perhaps the hardest part of New Year on this journey is the expectation that you should feel hopeful. That you should embrace the possibility that this year will be different.
But I know from my own experience, and from working with clients, that many of us learn to protect ourselves from hope. We feel the crushing disappointment of hoping too much, of believing "this time will work," of letting ourselves imagine the future we want.
So, when everyone else is leaning into optimism and fresh starts, you might find yourself pulling back, protecting your heart, unable to muster the hope that feels so dangerous.
What Actually Helps
First, permission to feel however you feel about the New Year. If you're not excited about 2026, that's okay. If you're dreading another year of this journey, that makes complete sense. If you can't bring yourself to set goals or make plans, you're not failing at anything.
Your lack of enthusiasm isn't a character flaw or a sign you've given up. It's a natural response to a gruelling, ongoing situation that has already taken so much from you.
Redefining What "Fresh Start" Means
If the traditional New Year energy doesn't work for you, what might? Perhaps instead of big goals and fresh starts, this year could be about:
- Permission to take things one month at a time, or even one week or one day at a time
- Releasing the pressure to have it all figured out
- Focusing on what you can control (your self-care, your boundaries, your support systems) rather than what you can't
- Making space for rest rather than pushing more
A fresh start doesn't have to mean renewed hope in your fertility journey. It could simply mean giving yourself permission to navigate this year differently than you did the last.
Holding Space for Complexity
You might find that you oscillate between hope and despair as the year unfolds. Some days you'll feel ready to try again, to believe it might work. Other days you'll feel unable to face another disappointment.
Both of these states are valid. Both are part of the journey. You don't have to choose one and stay there.
This Week's Self-Care Exercise: Needs vs. Shoulds
This week, I invite you to explore what you actually need from 2026, rather than what you think you should want or feel.
Complete these prompts:
"This year, I give myself permission to _______________."
"This year, I will try to let go of _______________."
"What I actually need right now is _______________."
"One small thing that would make this year more manageable is _______________."
Notice if your answers surprise you. Notice if there's a gap between what you think you should want (hope, optimism, clear goals) and what you actually need (rest, protection, less pressure).
Let me know your thoughts
How has this New Year felt for you? What are you finding helpful, or what are you struggling with? Your experiences matter, and sharing them often helps others feel less alone.
Remember Reader: You did not choose this, it is not your fault, and you are not alone.
With compassion,
Dr. Grace 💕
@thenotsofertilepsychologist
