Beyond The Wait...
A Newsletter for Those Navigating the Complex Emotions of Infertility
Issue #24 17th November 2025
Dear Reader,
Two weeks ago, we had Fertility Awareness Week, and I asked my Instagram community to share their experiences with me. What they told me was raw, honest, and heartbreaking.
Many took the time to share the truth about what infertility really looks like. They shared about the constant state of waiting. The toll on relationships. The overwhelming amount of advice they’re supposed to follow. The joy that's been stolen. The milestones they're missing. The friendships that have changed. The brave face they put on. The exhaustion of it all.
And I wanted to share some of the responses and results here to help others feel less alone.
Because people do feel so alone on the fertility journey.
Deep Dive: The Loneliness Paradox
What people’s responses left me reflecting on was the loneliness that is so often experienced in infertility, despite so many experiencing similar struggles. It can still feel so isolating, like you are the only one struggling this much, like you're not handling it well enough.
But the statistics from people’s responses tell a different story:
98% of you identified grief as part of your infertility journey. Not just sadness or disappointment, but genuine grief.
Every single person who had heard "just relax" or "you're being too sensitive" felt awful in response. These comments dismiss the real, traumatic experience of infertility.
98% of you said infertility has changed your relationships - 68% dramatically, 30% somewhat. Only 2% said not at all.
Look at those numbers. You're not alone. You're not overreacting. And you're not "too sensitive."
But, if so many people are experiencing similar struggles, why does infertility feel so isolating?
I think there are a few reasons:
First, we don't talk about it openly. Society still treats infertility as something to be dealt with privately, quietly, without "burdening" others. So even when you're surrounded by people going through similar experiences, you might not know it.
Second, the pain is deeply personal. Even when someone else understands intellectually what you're going through, your specific losses, your particular grief, your individual journey, all belong to you alone. No one else can fully inhabit your experience.
Third, the people closest to you are often in a very different place. Your friends are having babies. Your family is asking when you'll have children. Your partner might be grieving differently. Even when they love you, they can't always meet you where you are.
And fourth, the journey is so consuming that it's hard to maintain connections outside of it. You're managing appointments, medications, emotional ups and downs, financial stress, physical symptoms. There's barely energy left for the relationships you already have, let alone making new ones with those that could help you feel less alone.
The Both/And of Connection
You can feel lonely AND know you're not alone. Both things can be true.
The statistics show that your experience may be shared by many. That your responses are normal. That you're not "too sensitive" or "handling it badly."
But knowing that intellectually doesn't always ease the emotional isolation of the day-to-day experience.
And that's okay. That's part of the paradox of this journey.
What Connection Can Look Like
Connection during infertility doesn't always look like sharing your full story with everyone all the time.
Sometimes it's:
A friend who checks in without asking invasive questions.
A partner who sits with you in silence when words aren't enough.
An online community where you can share anonymously.
A therapist who understands the specific grief of fertility struggles.
Someone who simply says "this is really hard" without trying to fix it.
You don't need everyone to understand. You just need a few people who can hold space for where you are right now.
This Week's Self-Care Exercise: Finding Your People
This week, I want you to identify just one or two people (or spaces) where you feel less alone on this journey.
It might be:
- A friend who "gets it" even if they haven't experienced infertility themselves
- An online community where you can be honest
- Your partner in a specific type of moment (even if other times feel disconnected)
- A therapist or support group
- Even just one person, who has shared their experience, who you'll never meet but whose words made you feel seen
Write down who or what these connections are. And this week, try to engage with at least one of them, even if it's just reading others' stories or sending a simple message.
You don't have to do this alone. And you don't need a huge support network. Sometimes just one or two genuine connections can make the weight feel a little lighter.
Let me know your thoughts
Over the coming weeks, I'll be exploring some of the themes raised in the Fertility Awareness Week responses. Because your voices deserve to be heard.
What topic would you most like me to cover? Reply to this email - I read every response.
Remember Reader: You did not choose this, it is not your fault, and you are not alone.
With compassion,
Dr. Grace 💕
@thenotsofertilepsychologist
