Beyond The Wait...
A Newsletter for Those Navigating the Complex Emotions of Infertility
Issue #22 29th September 2025
Dear Reader,
I've been thinking about those overwhelming moments lately. You probably know the ones I mean - when you're sitting in yet another waiting room, or you've just received another piece of disappointing news, or someone makes another well-meaning but completely unhelpful comment, and you just think, "I can't do this anymore."
Those moments where you just feel utterly done in. Not sad exactly, not angry necessarily, just completely overwhelmed by the weight of it all.
I want you to know, feeling like it's all too much doesn't mean you're not coping. It means you're human, carrying something incredibly heavy, for far longer than anyone should have to.
Deep Dive: When It All Gets Too Much
If you've ever felt completely overwhelmed by this journey, like you simply cannot take one more disappointment, one more appointment, one more month of hoping and waiting, I want you to know this response makes complete sense.
Why This Journey Becomes Overwhelming
The fertility journey isn't just one thing you're managing. It's layers upon layers of stress that keep accumulating:
There's the physical toll - the procedures, the medications, the hormones flooding your system. Your body often feels like it's not your own anymore.
There's the emotional exhaustion - the constant cycle of hope and grief, month after month. Each negative test carries the weight of all the ones before it.
There's the mental load - tracking cycles, researching options, managing appointments, making impossible decisions about next steps. Your brain never gets to rest.
There's the relationship strain - feeling disconnected from your partner, or watching them grieve differently, or trying to protect each other from difficult feelings.
There's the social isolation - avoiding triggers, feeling left behind as others move forward, carrying something that others can't see or understand.
And there's the uncertainty - no clear timeline, no guarantees, no way to know if any of this will work or when you should stop trying.
Is it any wonder that sometimes it all feels like too much?
What "Too Much" Actually Looks Like
Feeling overwhelmed might show up as crying at seemingly small things, or feeling nothing at all. It might be snapping at people you love, or withdrawing from everyone. It might be obsessively researching treatment options at 2am, or not being able to think about fertility at all.
You might find yourself thinking: "I can't keep doing this." And that's not weakness. That's your mind and body trying to tell you that you're carrying more than anyone should have to carry alone.
What Can Actually Help
When it all feels too much, here's what I've learned (both professionally and personally):
- Acknowledge the weight. Stop trying to convince yourself you should be handling this better. This IS hard. Unbelievably hard. You're not struggling because you're not strong enough, you're struggling because what you're facing is genuinely overwhelming.
- Give yourself permission to step back. From treatment, from researching, from thinking about fertility constantly. Even just for a day, or an afternoon. Taking a break isn't giving up. It's allowing yourself to breathe.
- Talk to someone who gets it. Whether that's a therapist who specialises in fertility, a friend who's been through it, or a support group. Carrying this alone makes it heavier. You need people who can get in the mud with you, not try to pull you out before you're ready.
- Reconnect with something outside of fertility. I know this feels impossible when fertility dominates everything. But finding even small moments, a walk, time with your dog, a hobby you used to love, can help you remember who you are beyond this journey.
- Be really honest about what you need. Maybe it's professional support. Maybe it's taking time off work. Maybe it's having a proper conversation with your partner about slowing down. Whatever it is, you're allowed to need it.
This Week's Self-Care Exercise: The "Too Much" Check-In
This week, I want you to set aside 10 minutes and write down everything that feels like "too much" right now. Don't filter it, don't judge it, just get it all out.
Then, look at your list and circle just one thing. The thing that feels most urgent or most within your control to address.
Ask yourself, "What would make this one thing feel slightly more manageable?".
Maybe it's delegating the appointment scheduling to your partner. Maybe it's setting a boundary with a friend. Maybe it's giving yourself permission to not research anything for a whole week.
You don't have to solve everything. Just one thing. That's enough.
Let me know your thoughts
What helps you when it all feels too much? I'd love to hear what's working for you, or what you're finding difficult right now.
Remember Reader: You did not choose this, it is not your fault, and you are not alone.
With compassion,
Dr. Grace ๐
@thenotsofertilepsychologist
โ
โ